(loosely in light of Melanie Klein’s work on Envy and Gratitude : )
The milk’s rivulets had gaps and refrains
My stomach had hints of pleasure
But, before my tentacles could slap
onto this sensational feeling
Vanish
A wailing full of reverberating sounds
Bursted into the stark silence of empty spaces
Alarmed by my voice, I frightfully dart
Comfort
The warmth from her body
Cradling my impotent frame
was not enough for the
hunger that bellowed before the gods
Insatiable
And now enters into the looming empty spaces,
blame
She withheld life
She repudiated the possibility of pleasure
Ragefully traveling inward,
abstractly constructing my means
for attaining my needs
I am forced, in light of my humanity,
to erect structures, creeds, polarities
to follow and embody
Goddammit
I will be cursed till the day I die
with the flaws of her and,
the routes of mine
Unto life, yet unto death
without bodily termination
Just the tangled messes
Circling around
Round the impressionable, unguarded rooms
I watch and often help the little people
tie. tie. Tie up the once fertile rooms
And I watch myself turn away
Finished
Her goodness is not nestled inside,
as I am held by my destructive impulses, dangling
over my unconscious pangs for Protection
Love me, protect me, please dear God see me
These being the keys for unlocking
the rooms strewn with passionate vows
Come
But do not, because once you loosen a strand
I will hang you with it
Your goodness will morph before our eyes
Defective
Let me heal me
Let me erect my vivid phantasies,
As lovers, composers, magicians call to life theirs
But, they are groaning and pushing
their phantasies into ripened, holograms of truth
for all to feed on
Whereas I, I stay fastened to my frustrated emptiness
Despair
Becomes me, raging haphazardly around the good
Meanwhile, I greedily embrace myself as bad,
sending myself into the forbidden circles of lust
There, the reverberation of echoes answer “yes”
You, are, alone, yes.
Dizzy
I find myself singing
“ring around the rosy pocketful of posies, ring around, ring around
Ashes. Ashes.
We all fall down”
I am down in my remains and without the pockets of posies, I say
while my fingertips gently brush past them,
a hand gently moves my face
Surrounding
Posies, upon posies whispering to me
Love is here
Love is here
Love is here
Ashes, ashes we all fall down
Together
I will be failed and I will lust, I will fail and they will lust
Yet, love is somehow finding me,
filing into the unkept rooms of secrecy and deep pain,
and slowly, very slowly filling them
Life
